yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
