just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I wish they made helmets for livers.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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