Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
