Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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