Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
