My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
