yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Terrible idea I love it
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
