Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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