There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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