He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
