My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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