hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
