She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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