I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
