i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
