He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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