All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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