some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
