Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
it was like eating out sand paper
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
