ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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