DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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