Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you would pick up someone in the library
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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