peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
