If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
