My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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