so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
