i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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