I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Can I color on your dick again?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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