I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
