i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
