Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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