Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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