apparently the secret to your success is patron
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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