Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
