I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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