Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
