you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
