Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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