you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
