I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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