i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
