You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
