At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
