finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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