I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
