We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Randomize
