Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
