Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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