There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
