I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
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